Alive!!!

It has been a while we last met. I missed, I forgot, I tried to forget, it's impossible and I persuade myself it's impossible. And then it's rare! As rare as 1% of my 365 days, we met. I was on a high the entire Friday! Happy! Workload is scary heavy, but I am smiling. The smile is from my true heart.

Dinner at a usual place is nothing much to be too happy, but craft beer is interesting enough to make me smile wider and laugh louder. And together with this guy, I was totally over the moon, as I have missed him much :D

Look! His anxious face! He was so much worry that I will over pour the beer out with my totally unskilled beer pouring hand shaking technique, he almost grab my beer and pour it on behalf; I insisted to do it on my own with his lecture. Haha

Caring as he is, I wanted the beer caps, he took out a paper and wrap them to da bao for me, because we can't find plastic bag. Caring as he is, we girls hinted him for burned fish, he went to queue, order, pay, and then we eat ... 

12 snorlaxes in his pokedex, still so dedicated in playing! I was tipsy really tipsy, I speak louder, happier, braver! He is more friendly, more in talking.

Totally love the night. How many nights do we left ? 😕

All taken

When all of them all taken! You are left alone, you are on your own, you are no longer bubbly, you don't laugh the way you are. You try to keep cool and calm, you know there's no point of return as everyone moving forward.

A race of life remains as a race, everyone continue with the track, dating, married, give birth, kids grown up, all full flooded with fb, friends Jio you go play tinder because you are lonely. And you think you somewhere there's a prince waiting for you but it's not true, no prince, no one waiting for you.

You thought you are atas, you play a violin, you play a piano, you read poem, your boy friend should share the same interest and at least not a clubbing guy. Sorry, no such guy exist! Don't have! Wake up! If you want, go flirt go play tinder! 

Let me know if the guy is good? Not sure, no one knows! Take it or leave it..

Oh well, what to do? I still believe be myself and be on my own is definitely better than out of desperation simply lug a guy for heaven sake... 

I believe in self, I think I can, just a little bit tougher but I should be able to pull through this.

害怕被遗弃

1. 小时候每次妈妈要出去，我都要跟随，因为心理害怕被遗弃。

2. 哭闹不要上课，因为怕见不到妈妈。

3.妈妈装死人，哭泣，因为怕永远失去妈妈。

4. 爸爸妈妈吵架，闹离婚，我哭闹因为害怕被丢弃。

 

长大后

1.害怕被朋友遗弃，害怕登山被人丢在后。

2. 别人玩钢铁悬崖吊，自己体力不佳没得跟上不开心。

3. 朋友有男女朋友之后遗弃我，便害怕，恐慌，希望自己找到一个不会遗弃自己的人。

4.旅行不喜欢被人家等待，更不喜欢被遗弃。因为我要大家一起一起玩乐，不要分开。

请不要遗弃天平座😞

Heart beat

When I already gave up and let go, then I saw you are some what care when you are on the line.

But I guess faith never brings us together, we just can't meet for dinner for once. You just can't whatsapp me properly =_= 

So ah... Remain as dream? As friends? 

Hope to see you soon, it has been at least a good full 3 months :( 

About Music and Life

Perhaps I shouldn't bitch about him as it is more than half a year.

Changing an inspiring yet stressful violin teacher has made me grown up a little and related things to life

A) know your aim and goal where to go to and how to go to, just as if you are playing a song, a music not notes

B) be precise and picky on things, works and subjects, so that it will sound perfect in the end and presentable with loud applause. Do not waste energy on scrambling and producing low quality work.

C) be picture perfect and totally cool and awesome on things which get posted.

D) use more bow, don't be afraid be confidence just like in life, just like the interview

E) relax and find comfortable position so that beautiful sound will be produced. It's like life have to be relax and comfortable to live in, to be happy.

F) imagine the sound, set the tempo , bre confidence and "go"! Dream, plan, and Go!!! Don't be afraid 

G) correct time, meet the correct person, do the correct things 

H) very strict to self, practice and be awesome

I) tell if you love, don't be shy, vibrato if you want, don't be shy!

I love the year of 2016, I have a dream but I put aside, i decided to brush up my low standard skill, I decided to do what I can to improve. I decided to chill a little follow the Moldau, got to the sea. I decided to let go things that I hold on tight to, r/s, friends but decided to do whichever I can be happy on. I live yolo, I learn to love, I open my heart and be ready to meet someone who is better, who care, who I think is compatible to me. Now will let it be as faith, the person who unnamed, unfound, but somewhere there, he's there showing me his hand.

My dream remain as a dream but I work towards it, by not letting go my true heart, the real me and work hard towards my goal. It's there, is has to be there whenever my heart is beating, lung is breathing till the day they stopped and I meet my beloved family again.

Trip to Bintan 080716 100716

13 years and counting, I finally decided a small weekend getaway with her. Things has changed and we have grown up. 

I felt my changes while I am not so humour comparing to when I was younger, I found out there's a gap between me and her. I could not ask things I want to ask because I have fear of I might make her sad :[ and I found out I have tipping toe around my roommate for a number of years until I fear to be myself again. And my dear friend scolded me " Siao ah?! Like that also scared ?" I guess time to change something. 

However, proud to know that my friend is strong enough to hold on the sadness and she's positive enough to pull through this. She doesn't cry but I am not sure whether she has let everything go and how long would she needs for this. I want to be there for her, as I always want to be, as I always missed to be. I regretted to be a prefect because I couldn't spend much time with her. 

Friendship and relationship are usually both fragile comparing to family. The only difference will be when relationship doesn't work anymore, one will come back to friendship. Sometimes, I was mad because one ignore their friends when one is in a relationship. I don't understand why one will just do anything and everything for him/ her but ignoring friends who are loyal and close. I find it very painful to know and I pull through it difficultly throughout a year and finally I let go. I become sterned and no smile, I become ignorant. In the end, I have even believed that trusting a musical instrument by giving it love and care would be more worth than a human. 

During the Bintan trip, she taught me to be positive, to have a 21 days positive thinking challenge, to change the mindset to I am actually good and great and not to be lack of confidence. Singapore has definitely changed me to be scared and nervous as Uni days were too competitive and I get screwed by NUSS saying I need psychiatric treatment because my exam result was not good and get turned away from summer program, residence assistant opportunity Those were the time which I think it was a nightmare. Till now, no confidence at all. 

And I would like to try law of attraction by thinking something good and happy and things will changed. I want to and I have to... To attract or to become a better person, I would have to change to be a better one too. I will strive with her together to pick up myself again and to be a great person from now on :D

Thanks Bintan trip! Jiayou friend 

Love her when she eats a lot

Paowah of the day

Quite stressed out these few days

Projects kicked start in work. Client not corporative. Couldn't really focus to work as need to get MC , go training and answer other client queries. 

New violin teacher, stressed out because the money that I pay is not cheap. Never practice well enough to fit the requirement but the pitch and the note are still not cool not good not perfect. 

Here's the concert Brahms and Beethoven both big compositions. I really enjoy the melodies and being care under super awesome conductor as well as great pianist. I am glad. This time I have a super cool and good desk partner who sound so brilliant and I always feel stressed out and doom. I lost in the counting and rhythm ing because lack of practice. Doing the page turn I scare I am lost some where or less focus.

So, I make sure everything is highlighted 

I don't want to screw up the super cool concert.

Here, I got the phrase " all the best" from him  I am actually super happy. I do not expect any voluntary wishes from him, but he wish me ! Omg, I guess he will be the fuel and power of my day! Yes! ❤️