Trip to Bintan 080716 100716

13 years and counting, I finally decided a small weekend getaway with her. Things has changed and we have grown up. 

I felt my changes while I am not so humour comparing to when I was younger, I found out there's a gap between me and her. I could not ask things I want to ask because I have fear of I might make her sad :[ and I found out I have tipping toe around my roommate for a number of years until I fear to be myself again. And my dear friend scolded me " Siao ah?! Like that also scared ?" I guess time to change something. 

However, proud to know that my friend is strong enough to hold on the sadness and she's positive enough to pull through this. She doesn't cry but I am not sure whether she has let everything go and how long would she needs for this. I want to be there for her, as I always want to be, as I always missed to be. I regretted to be a prefect because I couldn't spend much time with her. 

Friendship and relationship are usually both fragile comparing to family. The only difference will be when relationship doesn't work anymore, one will come back to friendship. Sometimes, I was mad because one ignore their friends when one is in a relationship. I don't understand why one will just do anything and everything for him/ her but ignoring friends who are loyal and close. I find it very painful to know and I pull through it difficultly throughout a year and finally I let go. I become sterned and no smile, I become ignorant. In the end, I have even believed that trusting a musical instrument by giving it love and care would be more worth than a human. 

During the Bintan trip, she taught me to be positive, to have a 21 days positive thinking challenge, to change the mindset to I am actually good and great and not to be lack of confidence. Singapore has definitely changed me to be scared and nervous as Uni days were too competitive and I get screwed by NUSS saying I need psychiatric treatment because my exam result was not good and get turned away from summer program, residence assistant opportunity Those were the time which I think it was a nightmare. Till now, no confidence at all. 

And I would like to try law of attraction by thinking something good and happy and things will changed. I want to and I have to... To attract or to become a better person, I would have to change to be a better one too. I will strive with her together to pick up myself again and to be a great person from now on :D

Thanks Bintan trip! Jiayou friend 

Love her when she eats a lot