Princess Sickness

Had a blessed birthday, with the best dinner, the best companions, celebrated from Chinese Lunar Birthday up to English birthday. I am the central of the world?! I am actually appreciated and still be remembered by people around me. I got all the attentions until i feel it's a little bit too overwhelming and asked myself, "Would all these be taken away from me someday?" Then started to worry, will we still be together N years later? When will you guys or perhaps my family will leave me? I will be terribly sad, right? All i know is when you live with the peak of your life, there will be a down fall soon.

Yes, and real soon, I mean now, I have a sudden feeling, I will going to be substituted soon. Without my presence, the earth is still evolve, the exciting world party still on going, happiness still warming flashing everyone. Yes, I am not so important after all. I tried my best to be best of the best, to be special, to have my own personality. Yes, I am naturally born to be someone who can't really do sports that well. I throw myself out to strangers and forced myself to hike, to climb and to swim. What's now making me sad on a week after my birthday? I do not know how to bike. Erm... bike... I should throw myself out to bike? Perhaps, my birthday wish should be: I hope i can bike by the age of 27.  I actually tried, I would like to have the fun of biking, as if one day i travel in Europe, I want to bike, bike in the breezy weather, down the hill, let the Adrenaline run wild. Yes, i wish to especially when I actually get the sense of isolation or perhaps i don't want to make friends/family in troubles because i don't know how to bike.

Four and suddenly Five, YES, was telling myself, the more the merrier. I wonder what kind of feelings are these. I am happy with yes FIVE! COOL! However, i need to alter myself to get used to the FIVE, yes may be 2+3 or 2+2+1 or prime number einfach divide by 5? YES is a good number. Please ok with FIVE. Or what if one day it becomes 6, will it be merrier and happier? or 8?

I hate myself for thinking so much but i am blogging, so i decide to write my real feelings.

Cheers, my dear BEATRICE for your 26 years old! Would you prefer to be called as pey hua? hua hua? ah hua? or the highclass "beatrice"? Are you still yourself? Or you have actually changed to be a somebody who your friends/family think you have already CHANGED, changed so much so that perhaps more princess, more classy, very distanced, scold whoever you think deserved.

I scolded people who I loved, I appreciated, I care. If i treated friends/family as strangers, I wouldn't scold, I wouldn't give a damn to care. I am very princess, as so i can be, I always need a shoulder, someone stand there and be my Hero. I am a little bit weak in some sense although sometimes I underestimate myself. I have not much confidence, I am actually shy, I am trying to be fun. I tried~ but no one actually realized, I struggled quite a bit.

Biting my lips~ typing all these. I wish myself "Happy Birthday, be who you can be~ follows the flow, be with who you can be today and do not think much about tomorrow!"

Cheers~