Failing in violin exam

Failing in violin exam is non acceptable however why am I so tough here to accept this truth?

Perhaps NUS has trained me so well to accept things and results are not perfect. Improvement needed to strengthen my weakness. At the end of a day, I got a proper job same with the first class honour people. What's the difference? The difference will be the process and the hardship that I have gone through. I got slapped in my face, telling me to study right away after I flung my mid term, I whined like a child, crying to be consoled to be hugged. I did not get any. I walked back and studied. Terry told me to hang in there, divert my attention, studied German. I am not genius in language, I worked whichever I could. I gotten B or C on them but I am blessed to even gotten a job on this, I knew a nice German friend, and a couple of lovely lecturers become my colleagues. Well, blessings in disguised. I appreciate all the Faith's fall to me.

Learn through the hard way and now failing violin exam doesn't mean anything to me, it meant to me as a process and proves that my hard work was on a wrong direction, in fact I have never felt that I have studied and practiced hard enough for this. I hated myself of being borrowed music books but never read. Photocopied all the scores but never play. I need a push, perhaps a slap on my face telling me I am not good enough! Please work hard, if not, either flung or die.

No one shows me light on how to improve. The song doesn't sound like what I had imagined. The scales sounded weird. No piano accompanist, not sure how it went wrong. Dominant 7 diminished 7.... It's just not right, old teacher doesn't give me good advices.

Kinda sad, helpless. There, I met yew Shan, I hope he's good, I am paying him good money to coach me, I need him to be strict. Everything from basic, yes please.

Tired now, I have training tomorrow... Well, I look forward to big improvement, I hope I can still walk towards my dream. I don't want to put a stop in it, because I hate how's the world is working now. The only ivory tower where I can hide, it's really the music tower where I feel comfortable. I am not the best, I am trying to be just right... 

I shall said, I have really grown up, I finally realized exam is designed for evaluations but it is not for the word "pass" or "fail". I am feeling quite proud of myself.