Alive!!!

It has been a while we last met. I missed, I forgot, I tried to forget, it's impossible and I persuade myself it's impossible. And then it's rare! As rare as 1% of my 365 days, we met. I was on a high the entire Friday! Happy! Workload is scary heavy, but I am smiling. The smile is from my true heart.

Dinner at a usual place is nothing much to be too happy, but craft beer is interesting enough to make me smile wider and laugh louder. And together with this guy, I was totally over the moon, as I have missed him much :D

Look! His anxious face! He was so much worry that I will over pour the beer out with my totally unskilled beer pouring hand shaking technique, he almost grab my beer and pour it on behalf; I insisted to do it on my own with his lecture. Haha

Caring as he is, I wanted the beer caps, he took out a paper and wrap them to da bao for me, because we can't find plastic bag. Caring as he is, we girls hinted him for burned fish, he went to queue, order, pay, and then we eat ... 

12 snorlaxes in his pokedex, still so dedicated in playing! I was tipsy really tipsy, I speak louder, happier, braver! He is more friendly, more in talking.

Totally love the night. How many nights do we left ? 😕

All taken

When all of them all taken! You are left alone, you are on your own, you are no longer bubbly, you don't laugh the way you are. You try to keep cool and calm, you know there's no point of return as everyone moving forward.

A race of life remains as a race, everyone continue with the track, dating, married, give birth, kids grown up, all full flooded with fb, friends Jio you go play tinder because you are lonely. And you think you somewhere there's a prince waiting for you but it's not true, no prince, no one waiting for you.

You thought you are atas, you play a violin, you play a piano, you read poem, your boy friend should share the same interest and at least not a clubbing guy. Sorry, no such guy exist! Don't have! Wake up! If you want, go flirt go play tinder! 

Let me know if the guy is good? Not sure, no one knows! Take it or leave it..

Oh well, what to do? I still believe be myself and be on my own is definitely better than out of desperation simply lug a guy for heaven sake... 

I believe in self, I think I can, just a little bit tougher but I should be able to pull through this.

害怕被遗弃

1. 小时候每次妈妈要出去，我都要跟随，因为心理害怕被遗弃。

2. 哭闹不要上课，因为怕见不到妈妈。

3.妈妈装死人，哭泣，因为怕永远失去妈妈。

4. 爸爸妈妈吵架，闹离婚，我哭闹因为害怕被丢弃。

 

长大后

1.害怕被朋友遗弃，害怕登山被人丢在后。

2. 别人玩钢铁悬崖吊，自己体力不佳没得跟上不开心。

3. 朋友有男女朋友之后遗弃我，便害怕，恐慌，希望自己找到一个不会遗弃自己的人。

4.旅行不喜欢被人家等待，更不喜欢被遗弃。因为我要大家一起一起玩乐，不要分开。

请不要遗弃天平座😞

Heart beat

When I already gave up and let go, then I saw you are some what care when you are on the line.

But I guess faith never brings us together, we just can't meet for dinner for once. You just can't whatsapp me properly =_= 

So ah... Remain as dream? As friends? 

Hope to see you soon, it has been at least a good full 3 months :( 

About Music and Life

Perhaps I shouldn't bitch about him as it is more than half a year.

Changing an inspiring yet stressful violin teacher has made me grown up a little and related things to life

A) know your aim and goal where to go to and how to go to, just as if you are playing a song, a music not notes

B) be precise and picky on things, works and subjects, so that it will sound perfect in the end and presentable with loud applause. Do not waste energy on scrambling and producing low quality work.

C) be picture perfect and totally cool and awesome on things which get posted.

D) use more bow, don't be afraid be confidence just like in life, just like the interview

E) relax and find comfortable position so that beautiful sound will be produced. It's like life have to be relax and comfortable to live in, to be happy.

F) imagine the sound, set the tempo , bre confidence and "go"! Dream, plan, and Go!!! Don't be afraid 

G) correct time, meet the correct person, do the correct things 

H) very strict to self, practice and be awesome

I) tell if you love, don't be shy, vibrato if you want, don't be shy!

I love the year of 2016, I have a dream but I put aside, i decided to brush up my low standard skill, I decided to do what I can to improve. I decided to chill a little follow the Moldau, got to the sea. I decided to let go things that I hold on tight to, r/s, friends but decided to do whichever I can be happy on. I live yolo, I learn to love, I open my heart and be ready to meet someone who is better, who care, who I think is compatible to me. Now will let it be as faith, the person who unnamed, unfound, but somewhere there, he's there showing me his hand.

My dream remain as a dream but I work towards it, by not letting go my true heart, the real me and work hard towards my goal. It's there, is has to be there whenever my heart is beating, lung is breathing till the day they stopped and I meet my beloved family again.

Trip to Bintan 080716 100716

13 years and counting, I finally decided a small weekend getaway with her. Things has changed and we have grown up. 

I felt my changes while I am not so humour comparing to when I was younger, I found out there's a gap between me and her. I could not ask things I want to ask because I have fear of I might make her sad :[ and I found out I have tipping toe around my roommate for a number of years until I fear to be myself again. And my dear friend scolded me " Siao ah?! Like that also scared ?" I guess time to change something. 

However, proud to know that my friend is strong enough to hold on the sadness and she's positive enough to pull through this. She doesn't cry but I am not sure whether she has let everything go and how long would she needs for this. I want to be there for her, as I always want to be, as I always missed to be. I regretted to be a prefect because I couldn't spend much time with her. 

Friendship and relationship are usually both fragile comparing to family. The only difference will be when relationship doesn't work anymore, one will come back to friendship. Sometimes, I was mad because one ignore their friends when one is in a relationship. I don't understand why one will just do anything and everything for him/ her but ignoring friends who are loyal and close. I find it very painful to know and I pull through it difficultly throughout a year and finally I let go. I become sterned and no smile, I become ignorant. In the end, I have even believed that trusting a musical instrument by giving it love and care would be more worth than a human. 

During the Bintan trip, she taught me to be positive, to have a 21 days positive thinking challenge, to change the mindset to I am actually good and great and not to be lack of confidence. Singapore has definitely changed me to be scared and nervous as Uni days were too competitive and I get screwed by NUSS saying I need psychiatric treatment because my exam result was not good and get turned away from summer program, residence assistant opportunity Those were the time which I think it was a nightmare. Till now, no confidence at all. 

And I would like to try law of attraction by thinking something good and happy and things will changed. I want to and I have to... To attract or to become a better person, I would have to change to be a better one too. I will strive with her together to pick up myself again and to be a great person from now on :D

Thanks Bintan trip! Jiayou friend 

Love her when she eats a lot

Paowah of the day

Quite stressed out these few days

Projects kicked start in work. Client not corporative. Couldn't really focus to work as need to get MC , go training and answer other client queries. 

New violin teacher, stressed out because the money that I pay is not cheap. Never practice well enough to fit the requirement but the pitch and the note are still not cool not good not perfect. 

Here's the concert Brahms and Beethoven both big compositions. I really enjoy the melodies and being care under super awesome conductor as well as great pianist. I am glad. This time I have a super cool and good desk partner who sound so brilliant and I always feel stressed out and doom. I lost in the counting and rhythm ing because lack of practice. Doing the page turn I scare I am lost some where or less focus.

So, I make sure everything is highlighted 

I don't want to screw up the super cool concert.

Here, I got the phrase " all the best" from him  I am actually super happy. I do not expect any voluntary wishes from him, but he wish me ! Omg, I guess he will be the fuel and power of my day! Yes! ❤️

The principal seat

It was nervous to sit at the principal hot desk. The stress, the concentration, the accuracy. The sound should be picture perfect, should not offend the conductor.

However, it was nice and fun to hear the harmony of the orchestra. The quality of playing from everyone, no one sounds silence, too soft, hear nothing...

Bowing would have to be perfect as such principal's guidance and big actions are both important for the orchestra to follow.

I love the harmony of the orchestra. My ears definitely enjoyed them. I would like to be there one day, when I don't feel stress for anything anymore. I think once I build up confidence, I would like to fly and sit at the principal seat. It's fun! I would like my life to be fun!

Salute! I have spent my life to contribute to music, regardless others like friendships and relationships. I would want him to accept this part of me, and what's not if just friend, they could be ignored and let me prioritize something I like. I want to make both parents proud as both invested money and time on my interest. I would like to build and I want to build to become principal one day! 

When dream remains as a dream

After a long while, I have gotten this photo from Royston. Here's the place where I start to like you, the offering of jacket. I regretted never say yes to the jacket. Look! You are so wrapped up and cold, that's why I am saying no.  

It was my last day there in Perth, it's my last destination there in Perth before my departure. I did not realize I like you but only when I was in the airport waiting for flight when Royston said "Hey, Opa happy when see you and Greg having common topics." I am like shoot! Yah, in the trip, you have NEVER stop impressing me.

The navigation in the rottness island, how Mike actually keep relying on you by taking out sand from his snorkeling mask. Your cooking, your determination to get the best wood for the chimney, your innovation on the hanging GPS phone cover for charging, set up tents quickly, you can drive tho a bit scary, your jokes, you actually know gu zheng, piano and singing! You sang Disney songs in the car, you love Mendelssohn, the trap you made in the resort room, you taught me kayak when Opa scold me and lose patience on me, you intend to lend me your jacket, your helping hand when I get hurt by coral, you swim back and check whether I am fine but not washed away by the wave, you decided to be adventurous and pick up my sun glasses from the blow hole, we screamed and screamed and make sure you are back in one piece. Not sure why I am just keep impressed by everything you have done.

Honestly, during the trip I sort of unintentionally followed your foot steps to everywhere you adventured. You got to the front I followed your back. I am happy with my hiking shoes which allow me to hop here and there without falling. 

I am always a follower but not a leader, I love to be the supportive role by just quietly giving you morale support and walk beside you. However, sometimes you are smart to the point I do not know what to do for you but to stand there and be amazed. I love to talk to you actually but it's so difficult to come out with the topic which suit both you and me. We have a gap- might be age gap, religions gap. Apart from food and music, it's tough to discuss about other things under the sun, oh well, religion part, I really can't handle. I am a Buddhist, I respect Catholics but I don't follow. It's not native to me. 

It has been more than half a year. Perhaps I should let go of you from my mind  and remain you as my dream, the ideal partner. But you are perfect until I do not know when I can meet my next. You came along after a long while whereby I was actually cling my heart on someone before this. I am happy to have you actually because you have given me the proof that I have let go and  given up my past.

Thanks anyway, I would still hope, we could gather and be friend till then <3 I will print a book of photos... Just because of you have made this trip memorable and out of my expectation.

Fated or not fated

Half a year passes by, I shall think we are totally not fated. You have lived in my dream for half a year, but we ain't talking, meeting or messaging. Isn't that a big hint drop from the sky?

Today, when i meet you again, I am not shy anymore. I am just a normal me, i tried some topics with you, but I couldn't figure out how. You ended up talking about church stuff with opa. It's tough because my world doesn't evolve with yours. Not at all, we are a total independent set, no mutual area found. I got you when we talk about music classes, but that was together with Opa. I am clueless, I don't think I will ever reveal this. Let it be a secret.... I look forward to our Perth photos.. But when's next trip? Forever not fated, wanted to buy you Vico and they already don't carry any. 

Why would you come along so late? Only when we do not meet frequently, when we no longer study together :(

Failing in violin exam

Failing in violin exam is non acceptable however why am I so tough here to accept this truth?

Perhaps NUS has trained me so well to accept things and results are not perfect. Improvement needed to strengthen my weakness. At the end of a day, I got a proper job same with the first class honour people. What's the difference? The difference will be the process and the hardship that I have gone through. I got slapped in my face, telling me to study right away after I flung my mid term, I whined like a child, crying to be consoled to be hugged. I did not get any. I walked back and studied. Terry told me to hang in there, divert my attention, studied German. I am not genius in language, I worked whichever I could. I gotten B or C on them but I am blessed to even gotten a job on this, I knew a nice German friend, and a couple of lovely lecturers become my colleagues. Well, blessings in disguised. I appreciate all the Faith's fall to me.

Learn through the hard way and now failing violin exam doesn't mean anything to me, it meant to me as a process and proves that my hard work was on a wrong direction, in fact I have never felt that I have studied and practiced hard enough for this. I hated myself of being borrowed music books but never read. Photocopied all the scores but never play. I need a push, perhaps a slap on my face telling me I am not good enough! Please work hard, if not, either flung or die.

No one shows me light on how to improve. The song doesn't sound like what I had imagined. The scales sounded weird. No piano accompanist, not sure how it went wrong. Dominant 7 diminished 7.... It's just not right, old teacher doesn't give me good advices.

Kinda sad, helpless. There, I met yew Shan, I hope he's good, I am paying him good money to coach me, I need him to be strict. Everything from basic, yes please.

Tired now, I have training tomorrow... Well, I look forward to big improvement, I hope I can still walk towards my dream. I don't want to put a stop in it, because I hate how's the world is working now. The only ivory tower where I can hide, it's really the music tower where I feel comfortable. I am not the best, I am trying to be just right... 

I shall said, I have really grown up, I finally realized exam is designed for evaluations but it is not for the word "pass" or "fail". I am feeling quite proud of myself. 

Attention seeker 2

I am pleased! Not sure why but I am pleased ...

Such poisonous social media❤️

宝宝自恋狂？

Call me Kim-chi-won! (Not Kim Ji won) yo

Appreciate my hair, love the length and this orange strong red lipstick which i not even dare to use it during normal days.

Let's be a girlish girl again ? Let's spend some time on self ? Let's love self more before loving anyone else or waiting for anyone to like me back ?

Want to be a girl, an ordinary girl, a girl with good personality, good 气质, with self confidence, love to laugh, love to talk, love to be happy 

No anger, no stress, no irritation 

Give me strength to love my life, live the fullest of my life...

I want to be good, be happy, be positive, so my parents will feel good too.. And less worry with much loved.

Let's do it! 

Attention seeker

I am an attention seeker! My current goal is to attract your attention on every post that I will be posting 😝I really feel like texting you, but every time when text, we will end up talking formally and then bye each other. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Erm getting frustrating ... But I really want to try ... It has been 5 good months Liao ... I miss you 😒

7 days changes my mind

God creates the world in 7 days. Nah, I don't believe all these and I just knew it as a story.

You have invaded my life and thoughts within 7 days. It just makes me feel like shouting after 5 good months, I am still getting so much influence from you. Everything that I am doing, I will think of how innovative you are, if you were here, what will you probably have done.

3 cases happened recently which you are the most influencing one who make me think of these. Even mom doesn't influence me with her intelligence so much ...

1. The curry rice case, I was so hungry to the point that I felt like eating a lot of rice with hot curry. I can't be bothered to warm the pot and to cook anything. There~ the idea, I boiled water in the kettle, loaded my favorite Korean drama, poured hot water into a camping pot and warmed the curry packet up. Fast and less effort~ lesson learned during the camping, you thought of heating the can food from the hot water in a lazy cold morning.

2. The ground too dry, can't force in the joss sticks. How? No spade available. I have an umbrella on hand with a very sharp pointy end. I kept thinking... The idea of camping forcing in the metal rod to hold the tent has popped up. There, you taught me to angle the rod when pushing it in. How to poke it further in, i tried that with my umbrella, it works like a professional. Wow, I am a girl, not even from Girl Scout! I am proud of myself :) 

3. Not sure whether is it from you or mom. A bouquet of flowers shall be put in the vase for my late grandparents. No vase available, dad recommended to use 1.5 liter water bottle which we brought to hold the tea. Well, the mouth of the bottle is too small, and doesn't hold the big bouquet of flowers. There~ I found 2 small glass white wine bottle and I divided the flowers into two bouquet. I think both late grandpa and grandma would love to have one each :)

You keep me thinking of how to make things better, more cool, even sometimes I hope I am bringing a Swiss Army knife with me so that I can do weird innovative act like you. That has impressed me, that has make me fall so hard, and I miss you again already :( 

Drunk ~

2 men like my photo, left 1 available !!! 1 gone... Like them both... Who are they ? Friends.... Lonely is better ... Both are friends... Don't cross the line, no cross... Be me myself and I alone... Leave them alone, leave me alone #drunk #tipsy #soju 

3 days in a row

Why you?

Why 3 days in a row :( 

I miss you badly because it has been a month we have not met. 

I sort of gave up checking whether you like my photos or not. 

Out of a sudden, I think you might be quite free, you liked my photos in seconds, almost right after the moment I posted!!! I was quite shock...

Thanks for that, you have motivated me to play Kreutzer for a full 2 hours nonstop.

I wonder how's that come from ? It's actually come from you. I wonder why is there special ? Because of you being so special that I have not ever met such person in my life.

You are the first, who make me fall so hard, even my previous is just fall but both side too have some feelings. For you, I am really not that sure... Why you have all the universal law of attractions to attract me, to make me fall, to cling in all my feelings. 

Oh, please, if it's a yes, please do more, if it's a no, please never :(

I miss you  

笨

遇到爱情会变笨，几笨？

明知机会可以吃饭却放过，因为对自己没有信心,所以不敢约。

观点很简单，平时不多话，见了面肯定完蛋，自己不舒服，对方也不舒服。

为什么总是有道墙，为什么我总是不敢跳？其实我并不觉得是风险问题，我觉得是感觉和自然问题。

因为发觉了喜欢，所以变得怪怪。从谈得来的朋友变情人好像比较简单。这个单方面害羞害羞要多久才能开始一段感情呢？

只觉得不可以鲁莽，因为根本不熟悉对方。很喜欢他注意我的照片，至少还记得他有一个这样的朋友。

急不来，我也放不了手。

只希望有多点时间见面说话。T_T

中, Bingo!

说我了吧，是说我了吧

*哭*

Opportunistic

So, I miss him, I texted him, with an legit excuse which my sister wanted to find out 

He's helpful and nice

But conversation stop there...

Lol...

We shall see... We shall wait ... Both are not proactive.

How shall I go about this?

Sigh ~

There, he likes my photo.. The bahhoo roll, so he acknowledged my existence. Last time was prawn roll, this time is bahhoo roll, he likes all rolls stuff ?

Haha...

Tsk... I want it to happen but I am not sure how to manipulate this.. I am slow and not smart ... 

Yawn~

他是水瓶座

他，有原则但冷血。

杀老鼠，研究脑细胞。问过他，是否觉得残忍？“也还好啊，已经习惯了。”

他在旅行的时候，看见每一只动物，都想着如何烹调它来得最美味。

他，手心的温柔，让动物觉得毛骨悚然。虽然动物爱他，但却敬畏他。 有种力量让动物不得不顺从，但是如果这是动物不是宠物，那就很可怕了。所以，Mike家的宠物Bailey，好爱他。

露营时，有大蚂蚁。我害怕，而嚷着恐怖，他却轻易的用大脚用力的踏过蚂蚁，来回不断。我却怜悯的说，蚂蚁快死了，放过它吧。他却一笑置之。Royston 便说：“相信他吧，不会那么容易死的。” 说完，蚂蚁真的复活了！还尝试爬进营帐里。于是，最后他把它给踩死了，我也无话可说。阿弥陀佛，蚂蚁你一路好走吧。

热情如火和冷若冰山不是反义词吗？怎么可能在同一个人身上存在？热情嘛，我真没看过，虽然他还蛮nice的。冷若冰山还真是对的，因为从来没有表露出来他的情感，连社交网站都只是放图而不多写，没人知道他在想什么。也许，说中了是自命清高。

看了韩剧，还真希望他会像第二男主，虽然冷漠，有时动作说话残忍，或许忘了对方的感受，却很老实，而不会口花花。那一幕“你还好吗？”真的很暖心。

我喜欢木木的你，因为不多话，却很聪明，很有神秘感。

可是我不像第二女主，那么活泼可爱能够成功挑逗木木的你。我想，我会学习，如何才会更聪明的引起你的注意。学习吧，我还真不会这一门…

Made my day!

It has been a while since you last liked my photo. Normally, I am not inside the photo, it will be either good food or scenery that we shared or a piano. Hah, thanks to mom who send me my childhood photo and you really liked it ? I am glad ... Even if in gaudium magnum, no one will stop by and smell the roses. 

At the speed of how you scrolling through social media, you stop by and like this, it's like a great bonus which windfall on me. 

Since when Am I so excited about just a "like"?! How have you invade my life and make me so helpless :( it has been 4 months, and I still have thinking on you. strangely, I hope I am not desperate, but you have really attracted me and become a part of my thinking memory.

Can we meet soon? 😔 why is there such strong feelings? Why ? 

朋友。开心

友情其实会改变，从前的从前，我一直坚信，如果他是你的朋友，那以后的以后，他也会是你的朋友。这的确是错误的，我用了好长的时间去领悟，好长的时间去放手。

从前的从前，以为这份友谊是无法发展，也无法达成共识。却在现在的现在，同桌吃饭，讲废话。人啊，很奇怪，可能会成为熟悉的陌生人；却有可能从陌生人变成熟悉的亲人。

到底，这份友谊还是必须被珍惜，不该再被轻视任何相聚的时刻。害怕会否瞬间又会变回陌生人？或许只珍惜此刻，那就好了！

Reasons and feeling

If there's a reason of like....

Even your reply is only a line, I am fancy, I kept the screenshot, I hellouuuu, to get your attention. Even though we are just friend, I miss you when we don't meet, I make time for you, if you wanna meet, no matter how tired how sleepy how much work I have.

If there's a reason of hate, not favorable :

I come up with thousands of reasons to reject. In a good way ..

I stomachache 

I too much work

I not feeling well

It's just because I don't feel like meeting. All these over time has changed my feelings may be also your feelings. I care when we were friends, I don't care when you don't care about me anymore.

I don't want a buffet, you guys insist to have one

I don't want anyone bring a plus one, you guys insist to bring one

No respect, then why go? 

Feelings of hurt... Feelings of like...

Reasons come after feelings, no fake, no lies, no joke. This is me, as always with the Chinese sayings "宁为玉碎，不为瓦全" I want a picture perfect, I couldn't accept toleration, because life is short 

A dream

Miss the days when we were 4 together!

Such a dreamy trip.. Went and dreamt for a total of 7 days 6 nights, be a princess and enjoyed to the max.

Back to Singaoore and everything just back to squared 1... Why? I miss the dynamics, I miss the trip, I miss you ...

My soul has been stolen... How? How? How? 

Miss you

I miss you from the distance to the moon and back 😔

Missing you 

醉翁之意不在酒

茫茫人海中，谁都不迷上

千万人当中，无法被吸引

一个旅行，却突然敲醒了那股沉睡的情感

重来没有任何感情或深厚友情的他

突然，在人群中站立

迷上了，跟丢了魂似的

一直都在想念，盼望

每分每秒都有他的影子

重来就不会有如此强烈感觉的我

二十七年以来，还是第一次

心跳会加速，对话无法看眼神

不知该说些什么，去引他的注意

这么普通的他，却在我眼里充满着崇拜

这么老气的他，却在我眼里成为了成熟稳重

快要四十的人，却因为要买儿时零食而兴奋。

我忍不住偷偷的祈祷，让他买不到，下次我买给他=_=

到底是什么样的心态，我重来就不会这样想，这样做事

快疯了！

我希望做回那个不怪的自己，再去吸引他。

#祈祷

I love today! Friday (26 Feb)

Yay! It's weekend and we were all out without the annoying friend :D At certain point, I think today no one dominating any topics and we were happy talking nonsense. I really love nonsense which distressed all of us.

Yay! He's sitting beside me and I just enjoyed to sit by his side although I don't really talk a lot with him. Improvement happens, today we talked quite much. Love it ❤️ regret never buy a cake tho. i was on the train with him for 3 minutes alone time but I was super bad in small talk... God help me please ? If you know he's the right person >_<""

Anyways, still quite happy to know his full Chinese name and silly me never get to see his birth date cos was too Hapz when hold his IC .. Kind of 受宠若惊, I hope I will be Normal next time and be myself more! 

It won't work if I keep on going to be shy and to be introvert and has nothing to talk with him. Love it when comes to the topic of chicken and menses hahaha ~_~ but how rare does this happen.. I hope I can, I hope I could, I hope I will get this right ❤️

行动还是被动

其实，我是一个非常害羞的人，或许也是公主型的。以前童话故事都是等王子骑着白马来追公主。一等再等，等不到该等的王子，应该是报应。

因为从前有三个王子喜欢我。第一个另喜别爱。第二个送炒饭，苹果。到底是哪来的勇气可以送炒饭？ 现在我连送蛋糕都害怕。第三个，送火龙果，我不以为意，以为这是人之常情。

一切，我都在当时想得太简单。根本没有想过别人的勇气。根本没有考虑，别人到底花了多少心思去喜欢我。我都是冰块脸，没有任何的反应。只有退缩，因为不喜欢。因为第一个感觉是不喜欢，没机会。

报应来了，现在中毒了，怎么办？

到底要多勇敢才能继续走下去。那么主动，会不会很奇怪？要不要赌一把？赌一把总比一直盲目等待好吧。

放手一搏？搞不好来个春天？勇气，你在哪里？

Annoyance

Everything seems annoy me everyday, why should I live ?

A) stupid lift never come in time and stop every freaking levels

B) due to stupid lift, always miss the bus downstairs 

C) even buying food have to queue for 15-20 minutes! Hell, it's my break!

D) need to find seat after buy food!

E) if not then eat in office and imagine you never step out of office for freaking 9 hours? 

F) stupid people in the mrt and doesn't move, and those behind keep pushing you 

G) stupid long queue because the frequency of the bus is long. Aunty push you aside, squeeze you aside

H) ridiculous consultant who pile up work for you and over promise deadlines

I) never tell you details about who to send the email and you have to wake up early and recall the email

J) join the project half way through, don't know head don't know tail

K) never get to enjoy good stuff (eg: traveling) but help to do all shit work for people who go overseas 

L) everyday freaking tired and don't have time for personal development ( music, language or even building another chapter of life)

M) I want my own room, own space, own time, why the others bother me? 

N) no more close friends, because they have girl friend

O) even your parents' password for everything, you need to freaking remember 

P) I rant it out here because I have no where to rant, everyone busy typing whatsapp but no one replying anything, such lousy communicated world is not commuting at all!!!!!!!!!!!

Q) Facebook and Instagram have nothing to see

R) the guy I like, doesn't response

S) after a break/ vacation, generally will become more Emo, it doesn't cure the Emo permanently

T) money spent but not extra happy

U) don't know what I want in my life l

V) very tired but feel like sleeping is wasting of time

I guess those annoyances are good enough ~_~

An unexpected post in group

I laugh very hard on this.

Try very hard to reply.

And we continue just few sentences

The group dynamics is quite dead

How to make it more lively?

Thank you for being cheerful here.

It's so rare of you to do this.

Please question more often ?

Would love to answer and try to answer... lol ... Here begins the weekend! 

奇迹

总会觉得你遥不可及，厉害，成熟，稳重，有思想。我只不过是区区的芝麻绿豆，没有任何贡献，愚钝，幼齿，不真实，又怎能高攀得起。于是，默默地望着你，期望着奇迹的到来，盼望着那一份奢侈的爱。

你犹如我心中的神，在高不可攀的地位，我静悄悄的在远处望着你，若你想要有人守候，我就在你身边。

其实你一直知道我的存在，只是假装不理，假装看不见。直到有一天你龙岩大赦，看得上我，说要给大家一次的机会，那是我多大的奢望。

到底要多勇敢才能让对方知道你对他的心意，到底要经过多少件事，对方才能施舍这一份暖暖的爱。等待…忍耐…

到了真的在一起的那一天，又可以天长地久吗？

人生是要有多累啊？

Oh god happiest moment... For just a simple like :]

Not sure since when I keep waiting and stalking for him to like just one... Just one of my photos! And he never and I thought he has gave up using insta! And yes! He finally like my photo...

Why am I so happy? Lol! I just think I am mad ... Wow... Why this feeling is so strong ... I have never feel like this before in my life...

God, please help me to melt the iceberg... Please ...

赏心悦目的菜单

我竟然如此勇敢的批评外面的日本菜单，其实，是有原因的。主要，是舌头被宠坏了。

我无法不崇拜煮这些菜肴的他，仅仅只排在我妈的后面，哈哈。可说是我在新加坡吃过最能吃的菜。创意满分，味道九十九，一分输给了我妈。

果冻版的菜，有点怪，但是创意满分！重来就没有吃过冰冰凉凉的菜。薯球奶油酱，法文名字难听，可是应该非常考心思，怎么可能所有的食物都是从原材做起，要我做一粒薯球，你就拿我的命去吧。起司脆饼烤鸡！天才！怎么样可以自制起司脆饼？牛排，好吧我不吃牛的，不过试试看，不错不错。白萝卜乳肉，可以媲美我妈！有妈妈的味道，我想家了。最后，无法抗拒的浓缩巧克力饮料，太棒！

那么高档的午餐，真的很难忘。虽然，看上他不是因为煮饭煮的好，而是因为太多事情做得太棒，所以看上了。

但有什么用呢？开不了话题，说不了话。还是继续当朋友，至少，还可以尝尝美食，让我想想家，想想妈妈。

哎呀喂

还是ok thanks bye, 到底该做些什么？

被追很爽，追人该怎么办？

继续ok thanks bye 我就觉得很纳闷，不能说多点吗？我也是很内向啊？哈哈哈哈

周末

还好还好虽然没有上课，还是可以遇见你，庆幸你还会出来和我们聊天。

虽然话题还是没有很多，其实是否你的生活圈子太小，所以话题少？

偶尔看着你对电话笑，只希望对方不是女的，哈哈！努力的偷看，还是看不见名字 。”囧”

还好知道你想找工作，让我看看有什么公司可以适合你，祝你早日找到吧。

谢谢你和我交换薯条，要不然真的吃傻了。继续这样吧，真诚的朋友很少见，我应该会比以前更珍惜。

我到底会在这里呆多久？

连自己都不知道。无家，无亲，无依恋

花…蝴蝶…孤单中坚强

你若盛开，蝴蝶自来；你若精彩，天自安排！

虽然心情没有比以前来得开心，感情也不再一样了，但是精彩还是存在。

非常努力考进乐队，非常认真想把工作做好。非常想好好喜欢一个人，非常认真思考如何可以say hello.

时间一秒一秒离去，孤单的感觉越来越强烈，仿佛下一秒会孤独终老。

为什么总是太坚强，为什么只有盛开才有蝴蝶？

蝴蝶就不能先起舞感染花儿？

为何花儿开了又谢，谢了再开，等了好多季节都在强风中孤立？

其实我改变了

改变是渐渐发生的，是随着岁月一步一步的前进，再随着一次又一次的经历，慢慢地，可能变成一个更好的自己，可能变成一个假的自己，有可能变成一个坏的自己。

当原本很要好的朋友渐渐疏远我，他们会告诉我，会把我放在心上，不会约我出来吃饭。当我决定把所有的精力放在梦想和理想里，尝试用这些借口盖过友情的重要，我已经变了。

五年前的我，觉得朋友比爱情重要。多么的笨，原来当朋友有了另一半是可以忽略一切，包括家人，所以，友情又算得了什么？我失望，于是带着semper solus 的精神，努力的活下去。

无法想象，不熟的朋友会变得要好，熟的朋友会变得疏远。其实我恨whatsapp Facebook 这些鬼东西，明明离得很远，却装作很靠近。明明可以回答，却因为太多讯息而选择忽略。人与人的沟通也不再像从前那么实际。旅行永远是最好的沟通方式。

改变成为更坚强是对的吗？是不是在适合的时候应该装成弱不禁风，软弱而需要呵护？我从来就做得毫不在意，因为我最讨厌连累大家。撒娇也只看对象，不熟的朋友面前，我永远不会撒。

也许盼望造成了渴望。当有人对我

稍微好一些，我会觉得，这人真好，真希望………这就造成了错觉吧。

我真变得如此坚强，还是固装坚强，我实在不懂。有时候，也盼望被疼爱的感觉。我可以做到坚强冷漠，可是这样长期的走下去会很累。你几时可以再出现？我其实盼望那一点的关心，那一丁点的疼爱……

丘彼得-请问如何开始爱情，请问如何引人注目？

后来，我才发现自己很内向。完全不勇敢。或许自己也太man,完全没有想让人保护的意思。孤独使我更独立，不需要肩膀，也能独自把重物扛起。

若此旅行发生在五年前，我想我会哭，走在石子上还希望有人能牵我的手。独自一人睡在帐篷里，又暗又冷，但再怎么暗和冷，现在的我，都不吭一声。谢谢你在帐篷外的摇床里，陪我说说话。也谢谢你在冷风细雨下，问我是否需要一件外套，雨伞。或许我该说“对！我要！”但是我很man的拒绝了。两秒后，我也就后悔了。

你不擅长网络，我不懂如何和你联系。或许妈妈说得对，也许有缘无份。再也不可能有第二次的旅行，连每周上课能见面的机会都没有了。我没有早点认识你，更没什么机会和你聊天。为什么你在我放下后出现？你完全的掉入了我的择偶条件单里。或许我是仰慕多过于喜欢。为什么你就如此完美的则放在我面前？成熟稳重，音乐气质，待人处事，我几乎没有看过如此完美的人。

喜欢要勇敢的说出来？怎说啊？另外，总觉得宗教信仰也会是绊脚石。怎办？你的影子一直在旅行后出现在我脑海里。怎办？我该怎么办？放手一博还是随缘吧😒

2016我总希望丘彼得会为我留下好的礼物。连在珀斯看见流星我都许下同一个愿望。

愿2016带来幸福，不再像去年般，一直被孤独的痛纠缠。我放下了，也准备好了。